Remorse

Erza sat staring down into the amber liquid that filled her shot glass. She was seated at a bar in the East of Crocus. Aware that she shouldn’t drink before the final day of the competition, she couldn’t help herself. The redhead wasn’t turning to alcohol but rather getting away from him. She could take anything if she didn’t have to face it emotionally head on. Physically, Erza may be the strongest woman in Fiore. Mentally, on the other hand, she was a train reck in the middle of the ocean. She downed the shot and ordered another. After the next, another, and another, until her face was flushed and the world around her moving too fast for her to process accurately.

All that came to mind was him. That night on the beach. When he turned his back on her, shut her out. Even drunk, it burned her heart.

Your fingertips across my skin, The palm trees swaying in the wind, Images.... You sang me Spanish lullabies, The sweetest sadness in your eyes, Clever trick.

He’d given her the worst false hope that could’ve been offered. When he opened up to her she’d rushed at the chance. The surprise and want in his eyes encouraged her to purse her unsaid desires. When he pushed her away after their lips had finally come together, yet only brushed, threatened to put out the candle that was her spirit, already wavering in the wind. By some miracle, she’d held on.

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

The blue haired mage’s, or rather fool’s, lack of understanding of her feelings hurt. It was devastating that even though she’d opened herself up to him and he had been completely oblivious and only could see his feelings. They must’ve not been strong enough, because his guilt got in the way of his love. She would have got through it if he hadn’t come to the Grand Magic Games, yet the mage was glad he had come.

Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance. My back is turned on you. Shoulda known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do.

Erza would just avoid direct contact with Jellal the best she could. She wouldn’t act, she was far better at reacting. Although in battle she may take the first swing, it was never a final blow. Love was no different. The only change was her inexperience. 

“At the water park he had been willing enough to talk to me...” slurred the redhead who by now was slumped on the bar resting her chin on her arms, crossed in front of her. Tears formed in the corner of her stinging eyes.  Her blue haired friend failed to realize how his supposed redemption was affecting her. Every faint smile he gave her stopped her heart and sent it racing away again. She’d felt oh so guilty when he grabbed her to save her from Ichyia and shortly after she’d landed literally on his face. He’d passed out from blood loss that she hoped was from the fall. Taking that as a chance to sneak out is how Erza ended up at a dead end bar on the bad streets in Eastern Crocus City. He wouldn’t find her here, and that was what she hoped for.

We walked along a crowded street. You took my hand and danced with me. Images... And when you left you kissed my lips, You told me you would never, never forget, These images. Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy;

I thought you'd want the same for me.

If Erza didn’t hang on to the little gestures that kept her hanging on his every word, she would have told him to either be with her or keep his distance. Every time they walked in sync, brushed against each other accidentally, or he smiled at her she thought she’d combust. She couldn’t help but feel depressed and the alcohol did not help her cause. She was near sobbing and the bar tender was looking at her with both curiosity and sympathy. She knew that she probably looked pathetic.

Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance. My back is turned on you. Shoulda known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do.

Erza wanted so much to give up but there was nothing to give up. She wasn’t trying for anything. She was simply reacting to every word, every action, every glance he gave her. She’d done nothing but form an opinion that she so desperately wanted to act on.

I cannot go to the ocean, I cannot drive the streets at night, I cannot wake up in the morning, Without you on my mind. So you're gone and I'm haunted, And I'll bet you are just fine.Did I make it that easy to walk Right in and out of my life?

He was everything, and everything was him. Why was she the one who was affected so strongly? It made no sense. She was trapped in a cycle that had stopped before reaching its desired stage. She was trapped, nothing to do but wait.

Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance. My back is turned on you. Shoulda known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do.

At this point Erza was so out of it that she let her guard down. When a boy her age approached she did nothing but wipe the tears from her face and sit, where she was, biting her lip to hold back sobs. The youth took the barstool to her right. 

In the past, no one would dare approach the Great Titania even in her defensive, normal mindset. Maybe they’d leave her alone when vulnerable out of an unspoken respect, but now, her legacy was old. Less people had even heard of her better yet recognized her. It was oddly cruel how short society’s memory was, for the youth snaked his arm around her shoulders. This was enough for Erza to go tense. Drunk and out of it, she made no effort to get away from the situation and just turned her face away in resignation. 

“Heya dollface.” slurred the blonde youth with whisky on his breath, confirming that he was also intoxicated. Erza, too far gone to steel her defenses just quivered and whimpered. If she moved too fast she’d fall to the ground. The man grew more adventurous and began tracing her arms and then down her side causing her to attempt to shy away. His hand was creeping up towards her breasts when with a crack of splintering wood he found himself on the floor, having had his stool kicked out from under him.

“Back off!” growled an angry cloaked figure. The you boy looked up with wide eyes at the older, stronger male.

“I wasn’t doin nothin.” he stammered, “she just looked upset and I thought I’d help her-”

“You thought you’d take advantage of her!” interjected Erza’s masked protector with rage. “You don’t know who she is! You’re lucky I stopped you! If she’d been sober she’d have beat the shit out of you!” he roared his baritone voice making the drunkard’s head pound. He scrambled off as quickly as he could given his distorted predicament. 

“Jellal?” mumbled Erza sleepily barely conscious. 

“Shhhhh, I’m here.” he murmured before, as slowly and gingerly as he could, lifting her into his arms bridal style. He cast a spell to make her fully unconscious before using meteor to take her to his own room he rented separate from the team to avoid burdening them, a condition he made clear when asking to join. After she woke up he rushed her to the water closet where he spent the next quarter of an hour holding her as she rendered her stomach void of anything. Then he carried her to bed and stripped off her shirt and pants leaving her in a tank top and her underwear.

“I’m sorry to trouble you.” she mumbled guiltily in shame.

“You’re not, I’d do anything for my light.” he murmured in her ear as he pulled her into a warm embrace. He felt her tears on his shoulder as she pushed him back to arm’s length. 

“Jellal...” she whispered and leaned forward to kiss him on the nose. “Please realize what you are to me.” 

“I-” he had not reply but leaned forward until their noses were touching and gazed into her eyes, searching, unlike the night on the beach. For the first time he realized how deeply her want ran.

She brought her hands up to caress his face just as before and he followed suit with his own, using one to support their weight. Lightly, he tilted her head and forward to meet her lips. He held her in his arms, heart racing just like that. Fire burning through his veins. After a moment, he drew back. Without another word he pulled her against his chest before standing up to strip down to his pants. Drawing back the covers he crawled under and encouraged her to follow. Not a sound was made but both slept soundly, clinging to each other.